I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
