absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
