I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
