I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
