So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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