I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
