I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
