...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
