my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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