Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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