Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's blow job season.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
