I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
