I wish I could teleport
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
