The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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