I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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