just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
