If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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