I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
