You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
