..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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