so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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