So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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