1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
