Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
