did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
