Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
