It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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