You smell like a Billy Joel song
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize