so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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