i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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