we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
do nipples grow back?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
