I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
