I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
