Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
