I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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