he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
