I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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