He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
