dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.