What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.