smell my finger.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.