The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
