Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.

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(714): View more from California

Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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(418): View more from Quebec

You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

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(206): View more from Washington

it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.

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(314): View more from Missouri

sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire

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(708): View more from Illinois

seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor

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(404): View more from Georgia

Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.

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