She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
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I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.