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• (585): View more from New York

  She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.

  (585): View more from New York

  Aren't divorce parties fun?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  You and I have very different definitions of fun.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one

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• (469): View more from Texas

  She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke

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• (207): View more from Maine

  so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday

  (360): View more from Washington

  It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year

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