i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone