omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
