Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
