Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
there is glitter all over my balls
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
