Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
