Ambien. No doubt about it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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