Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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