I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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