Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
