she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
