So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
