I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
