1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
