So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
