making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
