There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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