I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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