I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
