I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
