I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
