dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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