oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
