Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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