I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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