Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize