A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
