the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
