K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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