so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
