tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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