i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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