Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
