I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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