I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
