we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
