Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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