i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
