I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
