The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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