There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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