I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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