SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
