If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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