11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.