I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
