I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
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chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks