Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
