paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's get the cat blown out
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving