I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's the barista slut.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.