where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.