Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
