I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
